Alone with THAT Guy
by Evil minion14
Summary: Today… well for one, it was different. Like way totally different. The type of day that you should shit your pants because of the shock, but don't do it because you are also scared shitless, kind-a different. To say I live an incredibly boring life would be an understatement. Up until a few hours ago... PredatorXSarcastic Human living together for 2 months. Good luck with that.
1. What the Fuck is that thing (redone)

**The Disclaimers… yay… **

**Hello again, my predator-crazed minions. **

**Thank you again for the lovely responses from my viewers, but I must say-or remark upon an amusing observation with some of these comments, because there are a few reoccurring responses, some of these people sound like my editor with comments like **"I wanted your work since yesterday…**", or **"Finally you write** [insert harmless profanities]**"**… I find these hysterical because when I read them, I actually apologize to the computer and make promises to write soon. I'm really glad that there are a few people really eager to read my work. It also makes me feel bad that my first chapter kind-a sucks because of the bad spelling or sloppy writing-so I'll fix that to make it sound interesting. Also I will add in a few more parts to the story to keep it interesting for those who would like to reread it. Maybe I would add an interesting twist or another key element that might be useful later down the road-DAMN these clichés. **

**So, yeah I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I think that people deserve to have a good story of a sarcastic human and her strange alien companion. Anywho, my little snib-bit of a story, for those who just got here, is in the point of view of the human, because unlike my fellow kick-ass writers before me, I am too lazy to look up the specific terminology of this fictional space individual. How's that for a science fiction letdown?**

**So instead of writing what the majority of these writers know and studied, I am writing my character emotions and actions that I would portray if I was encountered by an alien of high smexy magnitude. So with that said, it's easy to conclude that I do not own any of the **_**Predator/Alien **_**objects or rights-if I did, I would see a lot of riots-and such and such… Also there is a lot of foul language and possible rated M(inion) bits later on, so… **_**hon hon hon hon,**_** enjoy the ride. **

…

…

_PREDATOR: Alone with THAT Guy (part one): The Uninvited and Incredibly Unannounced Freak of Nature _

_(translation: What the Fuck is that Thing?! Holy Fucking Shit!)_

_RE-EDITED VERSION DAMN IT!_

…

…

To say I live an incredibly boring life would be an understatement. Up until a few hours ago, I would have believed that a higher power has destined my life to be as dull and as boring as paint drying. Yeah I know, a cliché saying, but you get the meaning.

Every morning I wake up, stumble towards the bathroom, wonder why the fuck I'm in the bathroom, stumble in the kitchen, grab some cereal from the box, grab the carton of milk from the fridge and contently sit for hours eating and drinking my food from their containers while watching from cartoons to _Dexter_ and _House_ marathons until I get bored and do something productive.

I don't do this pointless routine all the time, mind you. It's just this entire month of the "same-o, same-o"… God damn these clichés…

My uncle, who is the neediest nerd in the entire planet, needed a certain family member (me) to take care of his cabin in the middle of the woods while he is away on a scientific orientation in Alaska.

At the time, I was having some financial trouble with my shit-box of an apartment and needed some time to get away from my shit-face of a boyfriend. Not saying that I am a crapy person or one of the worst human being on the planet, it's just I attract a lot of shitty things in my life. Along with my life being boring and useless, I have a special skill of being super unlucky. Or clumsy… or ignorant… or extremely bitchy… man, I suck. Either ways, having the opportunity to have three months of break from life and just to do nothing but sleep, eat, and sleep seemed appealing to me at the time.

Now, after spending one full month by myself… holy shit I am dying of fucking boredom. I even finished a case of 1000 piece puzzle set for fuck's sake. THAT, my friends, is pathetic right there.

Yeah I brought some books, video games, and other sorts of entertainment, but being secluded in one same area for three fucking months?! I am going to go insane long before my time is up. Worst still, there is no reception in this place at ALL; meaning no T.V., no internet, or God-forbid, no phone assess. Just lame-o radio service with a ranger named Davie-something-or-other always checking up on "little Sammy" at seven pm. I feel like he is a babysitter half of the time. Or some creepy peto-old guy…whatever.

Along with the lack of service here, my uncle bought this cabin that was specifically placed far away from civilization. There isn't a town in miles; the only closest town that is near is 25 miles east called Willson Town, which consists of twenty people and one beer shop/gas station next to a church. On hind sight, I probably should I rethought my uncle's offer. It's bad enough being alone, but being far from any contact from fellow humans or modern technology seems like a typical cliché character trait of a creepy guy in an old fashion scary movie. At this point I'm waiting for _Jason_ to pop out of nowhere and kill me in my sleep.

Sucks being both innocently stupid and desperate.

Anyways, for some reason, Uncle _Nerdy_ did not wanna be near people or modern areas that serve technology, claiming that he had evidence of a mysterious animal-thing that hunts only skins and skulls-and steals little girl's cookies at night and rapes Santa Clause… That's why he is in Alaska, convinced he caught one of these little suckers on an info-red camera, whatever that means. Before I got here, he kept going on and on about his "discoveries", saying that there were these global reports/sightings of these creatures in woods or dense jungles. He even said there was a report in New York once and it involved some cop guy who, and I quote "fought to the death with the creature by scaling walls of thirty-foot buildings and nearly died from a tunnel collapse after an explosion". Yeah… really believable, Uncle Nile.

I was trying to be nice, I mean the guy practically begged me to stay in the cabin to "watch for suspicious actions and protect the cabin from outsiders", whatever that means. Besides, what harm could it do to stay in a cabin for three months? I needed a place to stay and Uncle Nile needed a niece to house sit for him, basically. Either way, here I am. All the fuck alone in the woods. I don't mean to sound so bitter; genially I am a nice person. If I wasn't I would have bitched my uncle out long ago and tell him that he was some nut looking out for _BigFoot_.

But… looking on the bright side, when I first got here it was not so bad, I guess. Have a car to use (an old yellow beetle), a visa card with no limit (as if there was anything in Willson Town I wanted to by anyway), good food, and the woods is pretty to look at. It almost has a "postcard" kind-of appeal with its glittering rivers, tall oaks, and a colorful variety of animals.

Speaking of animals, holy shit I have never seen so many wildlife before. Though the only "wild life" I have ever seen was squirrels and pigeons in the city, but here? Damn. My uncle's cabin is right in the middle of animal city, so it seems. Sometimes, because I'm alone and I am not use to the woods, it can get really scary here because of the amount of these wild animals and how they prowl around the cabin. It sure kicks Disney's _Bambi_ in the balls. Happy, big eyed, cute rabbits and prancing fawns do not exist in this forest. Not at all.

Nights are the worst, hearing the loud grunts and animalistic screams while I'm trying to sleep. I'm afraid to go out of the cabin most of the time because of nightly predators and the hazardous landscape. Not saying I'm a pure wimp, or anything, but this particular forest is super dangerous for city people, like me. Generally, I don't go outside at all; when I do, I only go out to dump garbage and run to Willson to grab a few things at the beer shop. If I did go out to explore, I could honestly just see myself five minutes in the "adventure" trapped under a log while wild boars eat my face.

Boars are super scary too. I hear them scuff around once in a while in the mornings. They only seem to move around the house early in the morning recently. When I first heard them, I was extremely nervous because it reminded me of the time when I saw that one scene from the scary movie _Hannibal_ were a gigantic pig ate the creepy guys face, freaked me the fuck out. I came to find out later that in the past wild boars ate human babies. They do. They just come up and eat them and dragged the remaining corps into the woods; never to be seen again. Fuck no way I am messing with those monsters.

So far it has been two weeks of them moving around the perimeter of the cabin and once I got over my nerves, I became really annoyed with them. They are so loud in the mornings. It either their scuffing or it's the thrumming of those damned woodpeckers that wake me up. They are always really close to the cabin in the break of day. Chattering, and scuffing every morning.

Pisses me off.

Normally, if I really thought about it, the noise itself is not so bad, Hell it beats blaring train whistles and honking any day, but in a place that is _already_ quiet all the time…those animals _suck_. Always waking me up way too early with their noise.

One morning, I had enough of them and decided to take my chances and throw my one of my shoes at them, hoping that this would make them stop. As I pulled open the door, the noises stopped and everything was deathly still. Super creepy moment. What really got me going was that I could not find them, the animals. There were no sign of them or a hoof print or nothin'. I seriously thought I was going nuts until the morning after when I heard one of them run into the locked door. Scared the living shit out of me.

I tried to get Davie Power Ranger to help me out a few times, but he said that there were no boars in that area. He suggested that I was hearing things and might have seen a bear or some elk.

_Bullshit_.

I heard what bear and elk sound like before and they do not _scuff_ like that. Maybe my uncle set loose a few pigs to help balance out the predator population and did not tell anybody. He is crazy like that, I guess, because honestly, from all the crazy sounds I have been hearing lately, the predators sound like they are going nuts on the killing. Or it's the boars killing the other animals. God… Fuck boars. Why are they so scary?!

Either way, I gave up on asking for Davie's help. Might as well let it be and leave it alone. It's not like I was braving the wilderness to prove that there is _something_ out there and to show Know-it-all Ranger that I'm right. That would be stupid and pointless. Plus what can I do? I could barely make popcorn without burning it much less play woodsmen _Sherlock Homes_.

…

So today… well for one, it was different. Like way totally different. The type of day that you _should_ shit your pants because of the shock, but don't do it because you are also scared shitless, kind-a different.

So out of story sake, let's start at the beginning…

I started off my morning like I usually do. Wake up, bath room, what the fuck, cereal, milk, cartoons. All in flawless perfect order.

So there I was. Just me and _Spongebob_ _Squarepants,_ dooking it out on Fruitloops when I heard the animal duo of the boar and the woodpecker. Normally I would hear more of these strange pare of animals, but this time it was a solo act by the front window. It was strange to hear them make so much noise so late in the morning, it's not normal for them to be active when I'm walking around. They never do that…

So stupidly, I set my box of fruitylisious cereal and milk down on the counter and investigated. I was curious to see if I could catch a glimpse of these creatures so I could say "I-Told-You-So" at Power Ranger Davie when he calls later. He labeled me in the nicest of ways that I was a scared little city girl jumping at every strange noise I hear. His argument was that that my imagination was painting pictures in my head because I did not see any boars, so hearing them so close to the window now was a great opportunity for me to show that he was an ass and I'm not crazy.

Looking back at it now, after all that had happened thus far as I sit tightly in the kitchen pantry hiding from the scary guy in the bathroom, I am not entirely sure that the events that corresponded afterwards were all because of my actions, but I'm kind-a kicking myself in the ass for getting up and looking out the window.

On the outside window sill, there was a glob of glowing green paint. Besides being the most strangest sight to find in the woods, it was also the most distracting. It reminded me of the juices of those glowing stick thing-ys that people use in raves and Halloween parties. In fact, it brought me back to a memory of when I was a kid and one of my glow stick-thingy's broke and stained my pillow. As a kid I thought it was the coolest thing, having a glowing object that was not a hold-able stick, as an adult, stranded alone in the middle of the woods… no, the fuck, way.

As I stared at it, nearly thousands of thoughts crossed my mind. What is this stuff? Why is it here? Where did the boar and the woodpecker go? Why am I still standing here muttering questions to myself like some lunatic?

Because I am a total wimp and embraced my weaknesses, I already knew I was _not_ going outside. Though the strange glowing stuff was bizarre and had potential to peak my curiosity, I was too much of a coward to go outside to look around. I could have stared at that glowing blob all day and not set a toe out or the front door. So I opened up the window and poked at the object with the side of my pinky. Considering that this might be hazardous, poisonous, or perhaps even acidic, as soon as I touched it I regretted it, fearing that I had stupidly harmed myself. But nothing happened.

The green stuff was surprisingly warm; slightly hotter than room temperature. Its glow was mesmerizing and had an appealing sight to it. What the fuck is this stuff?!

I started to look around the window to see if there is more of this illuminate substance when I heard the feeble cry of my Beetle honking in the drive way. I did not necessarily "sprung into action" and gallantly raced at the door with Goddess-like agility towards my distressed car, more accurately, I stumbled back awkwardly at the sudden loudness of my car; _Spongebob_ in the background timely laughed at my "almost" fail. When I regained my balance, I strode at the door when I heard the sound of metal ripping.

The sound of metal ripping and or scratching against itself is the worst sound in the entire world. It's painful to hear and, strangely, the sound of it left me a taste sensation of a copper penny in my mouth. As soon as I reached the door, the car alarm stopped. The tearing of metal has stopped. And for a split second, I think my heart just stopped.

Holy shit, the silence was scary. Except for the projection of _Spongebob's_ annoying voice in the living room. That did not count for the amount of terror that is in the silence.

Though I had my face nearly plastered against the window panels of the front door, I did not see anything. Literally, I did not see _anything_. My car is _completely_ gone…and I still had two months worth of payment for it… God fucking damn it.

There were a range of emotions that shot pass me at that moment. Fear: because of the loud sounds earlier of my missing car. Anger: because of the disappearance my missing car. Sadness: because of my missing car. Longing: because of my missing car and the fact that I could not make a quick "get-away". Panic: because I am completely alone in the woods and there is no way out unless I do something stupid and brave the wilderness because of lack of transportation of my missing _car_. The fact of me being carless plays a major role in these peaking emotions.

Along with the "silence", the world seemed to freeze suddenly. Nothing outside moved. Not even a tinny leaf from the nearby trees fluttered past.

So like an idiot, I stood close to the door, holding my breath and holding myself together. As I was looking out the window, I leaned closer towards the surface of the door, hoping to find a sign or at least a ligit cause for my missing vehicle. My face nearly brushed passes the cool surface of the glass when I was instantly greeted by the woodpecker sound. The suddenly loudness of this animal reverberated through the door in a single but loud chattering drawl which slowly eased into silence.

My heart felt like it stopped beating again as I violently flinched away from the wooden barrier; my eyes darting around the negative space frantically in the stillness, desperately looking for the stupid bird, because any other explanation would be too freaky. Suddenly, on top of everything that has happen thus far, I had to _pee_, which was weird because nothing was happening (yet), besides scaring myself shitless, and I just went twenty minutes ago when I woke up. Strange what your body does when it's scared, so imperfect and un-Hollywood-y in very way.

One thing is for sure. I did not dare open the door-which in hinds sight, I should have at least check to see if the damned thing was locked, though it might not have mattered later. With a shuttering exhale, I finally moved and started towards the front window were the green glowing glob was still shimmering on the sill. I wanted to close the window, as if the thin glass barrier was going to protect me from any threat that lay outside my door. What I really wanted to do was contact ranger Davie-_er_ David, so that he could help me with my latest problem of my vanishing car. Maybe I could hitch a ride with him and leave this cabin in the mercy of the glowing green boars… at least, that is what I told myself, that is…

What happen next… I'm still trying to figure out now. In fact, as I'm sitting here in the dark, I might have not believed that this was real.

First there was the crashing sound of the front door being kicked in. I thought I was going to collapse forward because of the suddenness of the crash, and the noise scared me so much that I did not even noticed that it was slammed shut and locked after _it_ came through. Without thinking, I whirled around to only be knocked down on my ass by this hulking figure. Dazed, confused and on the verge of wetting myself, I ended up pushing myself up and attempted to follow the figure.

Which was really stupid.

Chaotically, my brain tried to register what was in front of me. It looked like a person; rather it had the physical appearance of one. It had the necessity aspects of a human which consisted of two arms, two legs, and a head. The only difference that put the brute between it and I was the fact that this guy was HUGE-not fat, mind you, but _super_ buff and freakishly tall. From what I was see from it's back side, it wore little clothing. Besides fishnet leggings and shirt-thing, it also had bits of metal-like armor on its shoulders, arm and head. The stuff, that I could only guess was dreadlocks, swished and shifted back and forth behind it as the creature strode through the cabin; it's hair was kind-a distracting because it looked like tubes then actual strands, but what do I know. To top it off, there was also some kind of loincloth around it's waist, making me suspicious that the being before me might be male, but then again, how the fuck can you tell these days?

The most distracting feature on this creature was the green glow paint that coated the majority of it's body. Stupidly, this somehow reminded me of a less romantic version of Edward Cullen from "_Twilight_", even though this scary guy looked nothing like the sexy teen gay vampire. Strange how the mind works when panicked.

As I stared at it, the creature made a quick turn towards the bathroom and started breaking shit. From mirrors, bits of tile, it was all smashed up and crushed with it's massive scaly fists. I was too shocked to protest against the destructive actions. I mean, who the fuck waltzes into a person cabin, scare the shit out of the person living there, and break their Uncle's stuff without having the decency on mumbling a single "howdy-do"?! Not that I want this guy to actually say, "howdy-do", but at least say something! A reason on why this scary guy is here would be nice, please? A puppet show? Fuck I don't care.

Besides the sheer amount of panic that I was feeling, I was also feeling the warm angry stings of bitchy-itous. Who the Hell is this piece of work? If I was not such a wimp, I would have gone all gansta on his ass. But instead, I just watched the brute from the safety of the hallway as it continued breaking more stuff.

I was considering on finding a place to hid, or at least finding a heavy object to hit the intruder with, when suddenly it gathered the broken bathroom pieces and dump it in the sink. Strange, even a five year old would not cover-up the damage by washing it down the drain… but then again, what did I know?

The intruder made a loud thrumming noise, which sounded exactly like the woodpecker, and press it's wrist device-thingy. A small slot instantly jetted out of the surface of the device and the creature pulled out a tube with glowing blue substance in it. What is with the freak and glowing stuff?

Without knowing, I accidentally voiced out my thoughts and said a little too loudly, "What the fuck…?" I wished I did not say anything and would be more than happy to turn into a wisp of smoke. Just, "poof" and I'm outta here. Later Bitches.

The intruder turned it's massive head at me. The woodpecker noise slightly more menacing then before as it eyed me. Or at least I think it eyed me; could not tell because it wore a metal mask. But this I know, shit was going down and, God damn it, I was in it's killing range.

Suddenly, the brute roared at me, its body language angry.

Fearfully I was frozen to the spot. Nearly hyperventilating and or on the verge of passing out as the intruder continued to roar at me. It made a jaded move in my direction, as if it was going to hurt me. It was a stroke of luck that my mind was slightly stronger then my body and I found myself moving my stiff limbs fast enough for me to find a place in the cabin to hide in.

The roars of the monster in the bathroom could be heard shaking through the walls in the cabin as I curled tighter into a ball. Hiding in the kitchen pantry seemed like a childish move on my part, but going outside was a big "no", and being out in the open in the cabin was also a "no".

I could only hope that this thing would eventually leave and not hurt me. That what I kept telling myself, at least.


	2. Wait WHAT!

**Hello, my minions! Welcome back to the second part of this sarcastic story of two different species of humanoids living together in one small cabin without paying rent.**

**Remember minions, as much fun it would be to put the story into the predator's P.O.V., I am simply too lazy to look up the terminology and society's morals, standards, and detailed rules of this kind of humanoid species. So **_**deal**_** with it and enjoy the naïve spectrum that is the sarcastic human, Samantha Nile... or just "Sammy" for short… Whatever.**

**Also I don't own any of the characters and blah blah blah blah blah blah-copyright shenanigans- blah blah blah-would go to jail if I decided to sell this without the permission of those who own the rights-etcetera, etcetera. You get the picture.**

**Just for shits-and-giggles, I wanna thank all those who have responded to my story and let you know that you guys are awesome, 'cause feedback is like my life force for fanfiction. I must have responses to l**_**iiiiiiiiii**_**ve or I starve to death from lack of attention-can you tell I'm over dramatic yet? **

**Yeah. You do… **

**So without further ado (**_**FINALLY**_**, God damn it), here is the second chapter!**

…

_PREDATOR (part two): Started from Boring Individual to Prisoner in my Uncle's Cabin_

_(Translation: Wait-WHAT?!)_

…

…

Looking at my current situation and how I responded to this new and incredibly frightening event… the kitchen pantry is the worst place to hide in. _EVER_. For one, there is only one way in and one way out. Not the best options to measure with when there is a gigantic _psycho _roaring in the only bathroom in the cabin.

Also, there is a lot of stuff in this claustrophobic space; if the kitchen pantry had nothing but blankets and pillows, yeah I would not complain as much, but it didn't. The small space, that I locked myself into, was filled with a mixture of metal kitchen ware and strong cleaning products. If I move a single centimeter, I could easily knock something over and cause either a loud sound or spill a smelly chemical substance all over myself; both of these annoying obstacles are unwelcomed and un-ninja-like for my current predicament. So here I am, criss-cross-apple-sauced in a small space with nothing but spiders and the voice of _Spongebob Squarepants_ keeping me from totally losing it.

Besides the uncontrollable shaking and braking into a cold sweat, the worst part in this body position was that my arms and legs were cramping up badly. Shows how fit I am, huh? After a few minutes I started feeling cold pin pricks forming in my toes and fingers and the sensation slowly creped further up my twitchy limbs. I did not dare move my numbing feet for the fear of making noise.

Since I had no way of telling time, I can't tell how long this brute had been in the bathroom, but from what I can judge from all the noises it made, it had no intentions of leaving any time soon. The intruder's roars were alarming. The sheer volume of it literally made the walls vibrate, which only made me shake even more. Whoever this guy was, it clearly did not have a problem of making a lot of noise, which, in a twisted way, was fine for me. My current theory was that if I could hear it, I can know where it is in the cabin. If I know where it is in the cabin, I can be safe… hopefully. At least, that is what I kept telling myself, that is.

After a while, the roaring stopped and the cabin stilled in mock silence along with hysterical cartoon laughter from the living room. I strained my ears as I tried to pick up any strange sounds but only picked up Patrick the Starfish's rambling drawl. Though there was a momentary relief to this silence, the weight of the stillness in the cabin felt like I was not in a safe environment any more. It is like the feeling that you get if you are walking alone in the dark and you are in between the dark gap of the street's lamp posts. Though you can see light before you, the dark behind you and around you creeps up and you feel like someone bad is fallowing in your footsteps. You start to walk faster, trying to keep calm but the dark matches your speed, making you start to panic just enough that all rational thought had been momentarily erased and you find yourself running towards the light. Then, in the briefest of moments, a sickening feeling over comes you. The world burs as your body tilts towards the ground; a flash of confusion, and a stinging sensation on your knee. Trapped and alone in the dark, in pain, and scared because the safety of the light is far away, that is how I felt during this time. And… my nose was starting to itch from all the dust in here. God _damn it_, I can't win.

I had to distract myself from both freaking out and sneezing, so I tried coming up with a plan of action by listing different scenarios and weighing the probability of escape because gotta lotta time in here to think.

Plan A: the guy leaves and I book-it to Willson Town and drink this whole memory away at their local bar. Sorry Uncle Nile, but when it comes to psychos in the woods, they can keep your fucking cabin. But, there is a problem with transportation, and considering that my car is currently missing, I don't want to be out in the open in the woods not knowing where this guy is. So… screw plan A.

Plan B: I scare this intruder away by threatening it with a kitchen knife. Since I am already in the kitchen, I don't have to be extra sneaky on getting the weapon and not worry on getting caught in the process. Once I retrieve the knife, all I have to do is pop in on it in the bathroom like, _"Whatz-up bitches?!"_ while slashing the knife around; showing the intruder that I am one crazy chick who should not be messed with. But… considering on how big the guy is… and how easily it knocked me over earlier… fuck plan B.

Ok, so plan fucking C: I stay in this stupid pantry until the guy leaves or simply live in here for the next two months until someone gets me. There. Brilliant. I am _soooo_ going to die right now. While I was wallowing in self pity, my ears instantly picked up the woodpecker sound again; except it was outside the pantry door.

Oh…..

Fuck.

My.

Sh_iiiiiiii_t.

I hugged my numb limbs as tight against my quivering body, willing myself to stop shaking and tried to not utter a peep as the loud thrumming drawl eased into the silence. Though there was little to no sound that past between us through the door, in my mind there was a tinny me ranting in the internal walls of my brain. It basically went like this:

_Holy shit. Holy fucking shit-I am so scared right now. It found me. It found meee. Oh my God, it fucking found me... Shitty-shit-shit, it is outside this door. It's going to get me. Please don't get me. Oh my G-I'm gonna freak out. I need to calm down. CALM the fuck down or it will get me. Just stop breathing so much. Stop breathing, now. Holy shit, holy shit-I seriously got to pee now. I can't fuckin' hear anything-what's going on?! WHAT'S GOING OOOOOON?! _Usually I am not one for mental break downs, but I should have handled the situation better.

During my mental panic attack, I did not noticed how time moved faster than my brain anticipated and it was during that single moment of panic before another sound was heard. Besides the sensation of my skeleton jumping from its skin, the loud crashing sound was extremely alarming in the now quiet room.

The last thing I heard after the woodpecker noise was the voice of _Spongebob_ talking to his handmade friend, Bubble Buddy. Though I don't personally follow the cartoon's entire storyline expertly, I did know that particular episode of the cartoons franchise.

The story plays out like this: Spongebob is bored. Spongebob wants to play with his friends and neighbors but they are too busy for him. Spongebob makes a new friend out of bubbles and names it "Bubble Buddy". Spongebob takes his new friend, Bubble Buddy, around town and creates chaos. Towns' people hate Bubble Buddy and want to publically murder Spongebob's new friend with a needle to the face-you _know_, for kids! Turns out that Bubble Buddy was alive as his creator claims and stops Squidward from killing him just in time. The (fucking) End.

Before the loud crash, the episode was at the part where Squidward was thrusting the deadly weapon down at Bubble Buddy's face dramatically. Spongebob, who did nothing to stop this, just stood there and yelled "_Nooooo_!" in slow motion. This long "_Nooooo_!" was the last this I heard before it was interrupted by a loud smash and the tinkling sound of glass hitting the ground. Another second flew by and the sound of a heavy, T.V. sized object hitting the floor in a loud crumpling "_THUD_" reached my ears in that single tragic moment.

Out of all the things in the world I could have thought about at that moment, writher it is philosophical or strategically, my 29 year-old brain came up with this… _"Oh my _God_. It Killed Spongebob."_ … I would not be surprised it the intruder walked back to the pantry, ripped me out of my hiding spot and killed me by thrusting my head into the kitchen's blender. Humanity obviously does not need me. After all, what do I have to provide the evolution of mankind, besides making bad _South Park_ puns?

Surprisingly, nothing else happed. There was no other sound of stuff that I don't own breaking, there were no footsteps, or woodpeckers, just me nearly hyperventilating in a small box in the wall. Now, a _smart_ person would have stayed in the pantry. A _smart_ person would wait until she is 98% sure that there is no danger by checking around the cabin _first_ and _then_ call for help later. A _smart_ person would not do what I have just done.

I stumbled out of the pantry and froze. The sudden movement of me clumsily falling out into the open had sent some pots and pans spilling out with me, creating a loud orchestra of hollow banging and long clashing rattles of lids and metal ware. Once the rattling stopped, a putrid smell of strong _Oxiclean_ flooded the kitchen and the chemical liquid was seeping into my PJ's. At this point, I was waiting for the marching band to announce my arrival with twirling flags, and booming fireworks that spell out the words "YOUR VICTUM HAS ARRIVED FOR YOUR KILLING PLEASURE". So much for being fucking sneaky.

I waited. And I waited. And waited some more. So far, nothing happened. I half expected to be dead right now, but now… maybe I had a chance to live after all. I slowly got up and accidently kicked one of the discarded pans. The metal object sharply skidded forward and bounced off of the wall and stopped at the entrance of the hallway. Yeah. Fucking graceful of me, I know. Thank God I'm not in the Army. The only damage I would have done to the enemy would be the wetting of their pants for laughing at me so much. _GOD_ why do I suck at life so much?!

Like as before, nothing happened. There was no noise, creek, or whatever, so I headed towards the hallway. I was already nervous on entering the living room or leaving the "safety" of the kitchen, but then again I lived this far, so screw it. I was pretty damn sure of what to expect from the sight in the living room. Judging by the sound earlier, the intruder does not believe in the magical powers of the remote control, so I did not have to guess what happened to the T.V. However, as curious as I was to see the damage, I was still shaken by the power of this guy, or at least the willingness to destroy shit. So like a total wimp, I stood, hugging myself, at the edge of the living rooms entrance and scanned the room. Though it was a good idea check to see if "the hulk" was lurking around, I should not have accepted the fact that I was "alone" in the wrecked cabin and drop my guard _and_ head straight for the radio.

Stupid.

St_u_pid.

_STUPID_.

The simplest of scary movies should have etched that lesson into my brain by now, but I was scared shitless and my rational way of thinking took a five minute break on me. Not to make excuses for myself, but there is a fucking big guy-thing in my cabin who won't stop breaking shit, roaring, or go the fuck away. There is no way in Hell I could ever stand up for myself with this gigantic brute unless I go completely psycho bitch and throw caution to the wind.

At the time, seeking help from Ranger Davie, who most likely has a gun on his person, was a capital idea. What I should have done was protect myself and check the cabin to see if the scary guy is still there but n_oooooo_. _Stupid_ here had to make a radio call.

Like the gracefulness of a plate full of _jello,_ I stumbled around the sad, sad remains of my once proud T.V. and turned on the switch for the radio. Those who had ever worked a radio before and not pissed off someone, good for you because I am not one of these people. My first ever attempt of working radio ended with me apologizing a guy who spoke entirely in Russian; he was not very happy that I called him in whatever time period that he was in. Or at least, I think it was a "he"… whatever, that is not the point. The point is that if you leave the radio in the "right" spot and not touch it, it will most likely work correctly to the preset station. Along with that, there is a specific code that you must always say in the beginning and ending of your sentence. It starts with an introduction of who you are, where you are and ask if the receiver received your call. Once you are done with the sentence, you say, "over"; indicating that you are done talking and are waiting for the person listening to speak.

Instead of _that_, I just picked up the mike and harshly whisper, "_Davie_! Davie, it's me, Samantha in Uncle Nile's cabin. Pick up, _damn it_!"

There was a long pause before a loud crackly voice boomed out of the speakers. I whispered a curse and turned the volume lower. _"Ranger David Johnson from Fort Counter Lane, in Northwest of Welsh Country [insert numbers and coordination] to Samantha Nile of 'Uncle Nile's cabin', what seems to be the problem? Over." _

"Davie! Come here _quick_! I need you to get me out of here. There is a scary guy in the cabin-"

I was interrupted by Ranger Davie, who starkly replied, _"I can't get a clear signal from your end, you are breaking up, could you please repeat that? Over." _

But I couldn't repeat my message, because right out of nowhere the scary guy showed up in the entrance of the living room. I was not exaggerating about how big this guy was and this time I was viewing the front of it-_him_. Definably male, this scary guy is.

His massive body filled the door frame as the metal of his mask impassively locked on my frozen form. He barely moved a muscle as three laser lights aimed deadly at my hand and gracefully glided down my arm and locked its red gaze at the radio from the top of his shoulder. There was a huge lump in my throat; I could not speak or move. I did not even dare whisper a small "help" into the mike that I held stiffly to my face. A spit second passed between us before three bright blue lights blasted from his shoulder and sped straight at the radio.

I was knocked to the floor from the force of the small explosion; my right ear ringing and my cheek and back stinging sharply from the heat of the fireball-thing; my eyes wide and darting around in terror. I was about to turn my body to see the damage that was done when I felt myself being lifted high off the ground quickly. My heart dropped and my limbs flailed feebly from the sudden action of being moved. I then felt a sharp pain hit me from the base of my head, temporally stunning me from my struggles. I blacked out for a second and found myself later being plopped down roughly on my bed. My body bounced as I twisted around in midair and fell awkwardly on the floor.

My ear was still ringing as I coward behind the mattress, but like the idiot that I am, I poked my head out and saw him standing there, his body language menacing and angry. I froze again, wishing that I could hide in the floor panels then to face this beast. He took a slow calculated step towards me, his palms up facing me. My muscles tighten, as it I was preparing myself to boldly flee but then he stopped in midstride.

He paused and leaned his huge head forward. I thought he was going to shoot another fireball at me, but instead an awkward crackly robotic voice emerged from his stilled face that nearly made me pass out.

All he said at that moment was, "Ooman," in a strict kind-of way. It almost sounded like a harsh scolding kind of tone as if he was telling me of what I had just done was unwise through his voice.

I know that _now_, but it did not stop me from whispering, "Holy shit" when the gravity of my current situation hit me in waves.

This…. This is going to suck.


	3. So this is not a Joke?

**Hello, hello, **_**hello**_**… I missed you g**_**uuuuu**_**ys…**

**So let me break it down for you. Human-alien-alone in the cabin. One is **_**sarcastic**_** the other is just **_**fantastic**_**-ok no more rhymes, but as you can see part three is updated and here for your reading pleasure.**

**As I said many times before, I don't own shit, so don't freak out. **

**Because this mysterious alien has his own culture and such and such, my medical condition called "Lazy-itous" would not allow me to go into depth of the specifics on ****who**** this alien really is, such as correct terminology, societies morals, rules, aspects, and elaborate predator vocabulary.**

**I don't even have a **_**name**_** for the alien predator (any ideas are welcomed).**

**So sad… I know, but there is a lot of other stories here that go into depth with details that you might love; some of my personal favorites in this category is **"Oh Doctor!"by Elexise,** and **"The Choices We Make"by silca**…** **along with other writers with that same formula of writing-why are there so many good writers God damn it!? I can't procrastinate all the fucking tiiiiiime! I should have a life-but yeah, check those writers out and leave them kick-ass comments, because they soooo deserve it :) **

**So, without further ado, last time you read I was at the part where intruder revealed himself and all his alien sexiness to the panic stricken human. Enjoy! **

…

…

_PREDATOR: Alone with THAT Guy (Part three): Coming Down to Terms and Misunderstandings _

_(Translation: So… this is not a joke...?)___

…

…

…

When I heard him spoke to me for the first time… my heart was fluttering in my chest… my legs were quivering below me… the strange, yet alien voice whispered passed his unseen lips through the shinny exterior of his mysterious, yet exotic mask… made me feel… like I was being punked.

Seriously. Is this a joke?! Are you fucking kidding me right now?! Who, in God's name, sent the rouge body-builder to break into my uncle's cabin, break my uncle's _only_ bathroom, and then set me down to chat after he nearly blew my fuckin' head off?

All this mess here, just to tell me that he is staying here and there is nothing I can do about it? Well, actually, he said that if I _did_ something, like go for help, runaway, or tried to hurt him, he would personally, and I quote "be forced to hunt me down and make me suffer like no other Ooman [this idiot does not know how to say 'human'] has suffered before."

Oh.

My.

_God_.

This can't be real. _This_ right here. Not real. This has to be a joke. Some stupid prank hosted by a local T.V. show, or something. This can't be real because this here is so…so… _cliché_. Incredibly cliché! Predictable in its cliché-ness.

Aww… I get it now! A young girl (me), trapped in the woods when all of a sudden-AN ALIEN APPEARS! And freaks her the fuck out, and when she is about to have a panic attack-BOOM the host arrives laughing, everybody comes in afterwards-having a great time and then we cut to commercial.

Man. That is so stupid. I am so stupid.

Here I am, freaking out like I'm gonna die when this is all of this is a complicated prank. Wow… I nearly fell for it. I did. Was about to piss myself too. Sweet Jesus. I mean the whole alien take-over thing? Did not see _that_ coming. And by the looks of it, the "Scary Alien Guy" does not know that _I_ know that all this is staged. This should be interesting…

While the masked guy was explaining the "situation" and started listing the new "rules" for us to go under as we live here together, I was too busy looking for hidden cameras and or waiting for the host to pop out of nowhere going "Surprise! Your Uncle's a Dick!" And then it hit me… OH MY _GOD_! I am on _Scare Tactics_. Holy shit, I _love_ that show.

I have seen _Scare Tactics_ before and though I am scared and extremely livid beyond belief right now, this was their best act yet. Really convincing. Brov-fucking-o.

The amount of detail on the "monster" and how they built up the suspense throughout the month was purely genius. Twisted, but effective.

I, myself, might grow to appreciate their hard work after a few months of kicking someone's ass. I would have honestly believed that this was _Scare Tactics_ longest and probably best joke to pull off. I wonder if Ranger Davie was in on the joke. Would make sense if he was considering the many times he blew off my reports on strange animal sightings. Either way, as soon as Uncle Nile shows up with a bottle of water and a stupid grin on his face, I'm punching him in the balls. I don't care if mother sees, or my old boss, or my younger siblings, the asshole deserved it.

As I was glancing around, the "monster/alien" guy tilted forward and growled at me, advising me through intimidation to look at him without forcing my face at his direction. He was apparently not done talking to me and the big guy was getting frustrated. His muscles tensing up, as if he was stopping himself from hitting me. _Easy big fella,_ I thought at him while raising an eyebrow, _don't over sell it. DAMN where in Hell did they find you?! Maybe he is from the Olympics, or something…_

"Ooman," he said strictly. His voice tainted with a robotic tone in his mask, making him sound strange and mystically alien. Cheep-ass tricks for the main effect, I gander. He continued speaking once my focus was on him. "Do not think of escape. I can out run you, catch you, _hurt_ you. You stay inside and not come out."

_Me scary cave guy from space, here to club you later,_ I thought acidly. Oh my God, who came up with your dialogue? Are you trying to make yourself sound like you never heard of English before? Maybe he was not a good actor… poor dude, he is gonna look like an ass on camera. Oh well, might as well humor him a bit. Uncertain of my direction and motivation on continuing as the "scared victim" (since I knew that this was a prank), I simply put on a concern expression and simply said "Uh… ok…?"

_THAT_ is why, ladies and gentlemen, I will never become an actress; can't even deliver a line correctly at the right mood. Might as well send in the host and get this over with, but… oddly enough… the big guy kept talking to me. Ok, I guess we are still playing this little game… whatever.

"There are things out here that you too stupid to understand-"

_Ouch,_ I thought, _that was really a mean thing to say._ But I gave him the benefit of the doubt and produced a tinny nod and replied, "M'kay?" hoping that this would rap itself up soon.

He regarded me for a moment, probably musing the idea that I just basically agreed to him that I was stupid. Can't wait to kick his ass too once the host comes. He continued as if there was not a pause, "Bad Bloods with Hard Meats would come by soon. They hunt in twenty-five spaces 'east' from here. Went ahead to hunt Bad Bloods. Stay _here_ for base and shelter."

"M'kay?" _What the fuck is he talking about?_

"Will leave after hunt. You don't leave when I am here. Ever"

"M'kay?"

He made a deep throaty growl and leaned forward, "_Ever_," he said slowly, his massive body dangerously over powering my space.

I leaned away from him, suddenly nervous and slightly intimidated by this brute. I suppose he is trying to milk this for what it's worth, but seriously, too much man. Where is the host already? I think he has made his point.

The brute wouldn't back off so I answered him awkwardly. "Uh, right. Understood… so, what? How long are you doing this… thing?"

He paused and made the woodpecker noise; the brute's massive head tilting slightly as if he was not expecting me to ask a question. Or, he was simply confused. I fidgeted under his stare and continued looking elsewhere. Holy shit he is intimidating. He made a sharp clicking noise and finally spoke proudly. "Hunted Bad Bloods for many cycles. Claim heads for status and mates. Have many heads and had many mates"

_Uh,_ I thought, _noooo that is_ _not what I asked… maybe he misunderstood me._ "Okay. Right. I see, so you have done this for a long time," I said, trying to sound invested to the bullshit that he has given me, "but how _long_ are you staying _here_? In my cabin?"

He huffed and leaned back, keeping his gaze on of me before pausing collectively for a moment, "Hunts take time. Spent seventeen earth sun's here, understanding the land. Bad Bloods move slow in travel, have to care for cargo carefully. May spend fifty-six sun's here. Maybe longer if hunt continues."

I said "Okay," as a response but I still had no clue on this guy was saying. Earth suns? Bad Bloods? Who came up with this crap?! Well I had to hand it to the actor, he sure made me confused. Maybe that was the final piece of the joke? Set the victim up to scare the shit out of her and end it with her being confused. Not the way how I would end the episode, but fuck it. I stayed long enough for this bullshit, and now it's time to put a stop to this gag. Without another moment wasted I lightly slapped my thighs, got up, and left the room.

_Well this was fun, but I got better shit to do_, I thought simply.

I'm guessing that the host might be somewhere nearby, probably in the next room with TV monitors watching my every move. As I checked around the nearby rooms, I glanced up at the ceiling; critically looking for a well hidden electric devise that I must have missed or have never noticed, but the only thing I saw was spider webs and dusty paintings. But hey, technology… getting better every year, I guess. Don't know what these crazy engineers do these days. Maybe the cameras are smaller or look like everyday things. I found it strange of Uncle Nile to collect useless nick-knacks of chibi animals, but that might be a decoy.

I checked the first room to discover that I was not alone. The scary guy was following my every move ever since I got up and left the room. I looked back at him critically before entering the room. He cocked his head and just stood there. With an agitated sigh, I opened the door to the guest room.

To my surprise, there was nothing out of the ordinary, just a simple plain room with a spare bed. No film crew, no host… damn. Maybe they are in the next room. I left the door open and tried checking the room next to it, determined to find those blasted film crew. The scary guy followed a few paces behind me and then stopped at the open entrance. He regarded at me again by turning his head at my direction and entered the room while making a clicking noise. A second later he quietly shut the door behind him.

Well… _gee_.

That was odd. Maybe he knew that the jig was up and probably was going to take his costume off for the grand finally, or whatever. _I guess I get to see what's under the mask after all, _I thought wiry as I discovered another empty room… damn. _Well, if he is good looking, I guess I wouldn't kick his ass too hard. It's a better treatment than the nut shot that Uncle Nile is gonna get._

However, plans for revenge do not matter at this time; I have to find my prankers first. They have to be here somewhere, right? Can't leave the punch line hanging…

…right?

…

Two Hours Later

…

Ok. Seriously.

Where the fuck is everybody? You have to be fucking shitting me. The prank is done. I figured it out. Let's all be fucking good sports about this and let me go home. I even checked outside and THAT ended horribly. Apparently the scary actor guy never changed out of costume and was really serious about me staying indoors. And I do mean SERIOUS.

That prick nearly ripped my fucking arm off as carted my ass me back here; telling me how stupid I am and how "Ooman's don't listen". Well _fuck_ you too, man! He did not have to nearly rip my arm out of its socket, and, by the way, what motherfucking host would let his actor do that to their victim/guest?! What game are you playing at? It's DONE! It is over, okay?! Pack your shit up and gooooooo the fuck away. What is the point for all this now? The scary actor practically left me alone after scolding me. He's probably out in the fucking woods somewhere now. I don't know why he's there, but he could fucking live there and get eaten by the boars, bears, "Bad Bloods" for all I care. Fuck him, man.

I am extremely livid right now. Pissed. Fumed with rage.

When this is all over. Ha. I am so suing their ass. I don't find this little act at all funny. What do they want me to believe? That all this is _real_? Yeah right.


	4. Mission: Get the Beep Outta Here

**Aw… sigh. It's interesting how a whole months worth of mayhem can distract a minion, such as myself, from writing… I started great with the updates then-boom-I disappear from the face of the Earth. Gotta love life, eh? Alrighty then… where did I left of-OH yeah…the denial. **

**Right then.**

**So you guys know the slee-meal here. Don't own any of the "Predator" rights, [insert reference of the world going insane if I obtain the rights to this popular source of entertainment]. Too lazy to look up the smexy culture, language, and all that is Yautja, and as always, give a heartfelt "thank you" to all of my lovely minions who gave me kickass reviews! REMEMBER my minions! The actions portrayed from my unfortunate yet chaotically sarcastic character, Samantha Nile, is suppose to reflect actions that I might do if I were in that situation. Though I may joke that I would hang-out and be chill with the predator visitor and be the most coolest human he has ever seen in his life!-It is most likely that I, my Goddess self, would most likely do the opposite of that. So enjoy the random silliness that is PREDATOR! ALONE WITH THAT GUY! **

**BUM-BUH-BUUUUUUUUUUUM! **

…

_PREDATOR: Alone with THAT Guy (part four): The Curious Predicaments and Actions of the Uncertain_

_(Translation: Mission: Get the Fuck Outta Here)_

**Rated M(inion)**

…

…

Ok.

Ok…

Wait-ok… Shit.

It has been hours since the scary guy has left me here. I'm 70% sure he might be in the woods, and after another round of searching through the cabin for hidden cameras… I am super sure… that _this_-the whole situation with the guy and everything in and around it…is _real_. I know now that the guy is _not_ an actor… and my life is in fucking danger.

Shit, I can't believe this is happening… me out of all people! Sure I complain a lot-…look… self-pity is not gonna help anyone, so keep it together, Sam.

_Man_… I'm even talking to myself like some crazy person. Shit. _Shit_.

Ok. Because there hasn't been radio for hours and I have not been able to get to the local/worldly news in a month, I think I am dealing with a psycho person. Seriously, no jokes. Maybe there was a car crash somewhere nearby-delivering an insane man… maybe there was an accident? Or maybe Uncle Nile's cabin is conveniently placed next to an asylum, or something? A crazy backwoods neighbor? I have no fucking clue. The specifics of where this guy came from doesn't matter, the point being is that this gigantic man is deranged, deadly and has the power to kill me.

What tipped me off in this theory is the metal mask that the dude always wears. My best friend, who was super into reading psychology and analyzing pop culture, told me that some serial killers wear masks to hide their humanity when they are committing crimes. It's like they become another person because the responsibility of killing another person can be mentality taxing on the killer. So they put up a shield or a wall that separates them from normal citizen to murder lust villain. With this clearly in mind and reliving the actions of the guy enforcing himself and his rules on me… I am seriously in a bad situation here.

I.

_Have_.

To get out of here.

The only issue with that is for one: I don't know where the scary guy is. I don't know if he is watching the cabin, I don't know if he is near or far, I don't even know if it is safe to get out of my bedroom.

Two: I can't just escape by walking out the door, even if the guy is here. Last time he found and capture me as I was passing through the garbage cans-which was not that far from the cabin. Undoubtedly, he is very strong, fast and quiet-the motherfucker. If I do manage to escape, I don't know how long I could hide and or get away. Plus, if I get caught… I fear that the psycho might kill me.

Three… there is the initial problem of being "out". I can't stay in the woods. I don't know how to live in one much less survive in one. I would end up killing myself accidentally through exposure, starvation, attracting dangerous wildlife, falling, illness, poisoning… wild bores. Yeah, no. Being in the woods is a last resort and only an option if necessary. Also, there is the problem of traveling to safety. I can't stay too close to the road because it will be easy for the guy to catch me. Then again, if I hurry I could be picked up by nearby travelers and get to safety before I get caught. With that, I might have a sliver of a chance.

The question is… do I risk escaping?

At the thought of this, I found myself torn between two sides. I know the consequences of escaping and I know how easy it is for my capturer to physically harm me when he catches me. As much as I want to be brave, or angry or at least daring… the thought of a menacing man punishing me or mercilessly killing me puts my nerves on edge to the point of paralyzing fear.

I don't want to admit it. I feel like I should not even think about it, but considering on everything that I have gone through this far… I am really… _scared_.

I want to go home. To convince myself that this is not real. That it is impossible for my life to be in danger right now. To simply close my eyes and be carried away from this terrible situation and be relocated to a better place. A place of regularity; a place that is not a part of this reality, which I have unwillingly slipped into.

But nothing changed. Every blink of an eye remains the same ceiling that I stared up on moments ago… taunted me. The same sighing noise of the tree's limbs combing through the breeze echo in my ears from outside the window. The smell of sickly-burnt flesh wafted from the ruined bathroom and waltzed into my space, documenting the past by suffocating the air around me. No matter how hard I mentally will myself to teleport out of this situation through memories of better times and or other distractions… I am still here.

I am _still_… fucking… _here_.

I felt my face tightened as I squeezed my eyes close together to stop the flow of tears from escaping. A frustrated sigh escaped my lips as I sunk deeper into my pillow; even alone in my room I refuse to cry.

I really hate crying. I hate how it makes my face looks afterwards. I hate how it gives me a head ach. I hate how vulnerable it makes me feel… It's like I gave up; like I just have proven to the world that I can't take it. I suppose that is why I cuss a lot. To mask my sensitive feelings by sounding like I'm just bitchy or angry. Desperately, I choked out a laugh, shaking a stray tear on the right side of my face. What would dad think of me now? A sad little sissy girl crying on her bed because the world is too hard for her. I could just hear him now: _"Shut-up and get up. The world does not give a shit if you cried or not. Be a fucking adult and deal with it because it ain't going away because you made a couple of tears."_ He told me that when I was only twelve years old when I was going through some anxiety from going to a new school after we moved into our fifth house. It was one out of many hard words he said to me while growing up. He taught me not to cry and to just deal with the problem…and now here I am fighting back the tears for just being scared.

Biting my bottom lip, I violently sat up and wiped the unwanted tears from my face with my wrist. "Fuck this shit."

Without a single moment of hesitation, I hopped up from my bed and started searching the room for things that could help me later. The action of doing something was mostly a distraction to detach myself from my peaking emotions, but as I kept searching ideas started popping into my head and the beginnings of an escape plan started forming. The longer I ponder on "Mission: Escape-y", the more I find myself being shocked because on how little I know about _the guy_. Yeah, I'm not going to crawl on his lap and ask him about his life's tale… _honestly_, the less I know about him the better, 'cause I really really _REALLY_ don't wanna observe the mentality of a mentally ill person. That is not my thing.

What I meant was that most of my plan of escaping relies on how fast _I_ could move without _him_ catching me. I seen him move around from our brief encounters but I have not studied on _how_ he moves. If I could watch him for a day and study his motor habits, I could calculate how fast I need to be and beat him by hiding out in Willson. I know sounds a little nerdy with the calculating and shit but this is a life-or-death situation! I can't bust outta here with guns blazing when I have no bullets!

But then again, living with an insane guy for a day might be easier said than done.

If I'm gonna stay here for a day, and possibly a night, I need to make sure I am protected. Or at least… have a space to put myself in that could stop from him killing me. Looking around my room at its current state, it seems secure with its thick oak walls, sturdy door and large locks on the door handles. However, as memory serves, the guy did kicked open the front door earlier, and though it was not locked, he still can find a way to kick into my room without too much of a hassle. I'm gonna need to find something heavy enough to stall him, yet light enough for me to carry/drag to block the door. Alright, good. Starting a list to do is a good thing. Just have to remain positive and hopeful that I won't die.

I can do this.

I pulled open the closet and smiled when I looked up. The attic. A great place for me to hide… and maybe a key element to help me escape? I narrowed my eyes and hummed almost comically at the thought of this possibility.

While formulating the base of "The _Plan_ (thank you Joker from "_Batman: The Dark Knight _# whatever")", I removed my hanging shirts and placed them neatly on the bed before rearranging my shelves to resemble steps. My makeshift staircase was not the sturdiest thing in the world but it will do for now. Quickly I climbed up there before I lost my balance and pushed up at the lid that leads to the attic. As the lid was rising up from its original position, little flakes of grey installation and dust floated at my face, causing me to sneeze violently and made my eyes extremely watery. Because of all the crap flying in my face, I found that the dust was disabling my vision as I continued to climb up, which might be a problem if I find myself in a bind. I definably need to prepare to shield myself from all this shit if I'm gonna use the attic to hide.

Besides the intoxicating stuff that is floating down on top of me and in my face, the heat inside the attic was crazy hot. I guess it is because the warmth that collects itself from both the heat of the cabin below and the heat gathering outside on the roof; yet another obstacle to consider about this hiding in the attic. Though I keep using the term "attic", this space is mainly a place that consists of framework beams, moldy installation and packing boxes filled with random junk. Not wanting to go further inside, I grabbed the nearest box and gently set it down on the ground.

I nearly topple over my crappy staircase because I was leaning out of the closet with a decaying box in my hands. After stumbling out and nearly tripping over a discarded sneaker, I eagerly opened the dusty box, hoping to GOD that there is something useful then _"X-Mas Things"_, which was labeled scratchily on the side of the box. What I found in the box nearly made me wanna dance and scream "HALIJULIA" like a Jesus Jumper. Right off the back, sitting in a throne of Christmas lights is a hand-held radio. Oh. My. Fucking. Buddha! I'm _saved_! "Here comes the sun-do-do-do-doooo!"

Seeing this bulky, brick-like and painfully out-a-date object was the most beautiful thing on this entire planet. I might even cry-on second thought, I won't. Instead, I'll just roll around on the floor and hold the radio to my chest while sqweeing like a fan-girl. Out of all the things that could have saved me, this-THIS RIGHT HERE- is a guarantee device that will liberate me from this cluster-fuck. I'm gonna l_iiiiiii_ve! Oh my _God_-speaking of which-first I must gain a little insurance from the big man upstairs.

After my excited sqwee session, I rolled up on my knees in a goofy prayer pose, my eyes searching up at the ceiling and my hands clapped out before me in a comical angle. Though I am not super religious person and rarely go to church, having some hope that there is a higher entity who will help me get through this, or, at least, inspire me to get out of the cabin creatively is an extremely reassuring thing to have. To all those who have a strong faith and look down on people like me… yeeeeah. Wish I could say I'm sorry about this but the relationship between me and… well, _God_ is more or less on a "so-so" kind-of thing. I don't ask for help unless I really need it and try not to B.S. the dude. Other than that… eh? In this case, I am hoping that maybe something positive would happen if I asked, and hey, I'm kind-a vulnerable right now. I need some help spiritually or emotionally. So, with that… I start out the prayer aloud in the most awkward way possible.

"Uh, hey God… _(Yeah, I'm going to Hell for that) _Long time no see, or hear, or both. Yeah. I… uh. Well for one, thanks for the nice weather lately. I noticed the flowers around the cabin have been popping out. Kind-a nice. Attracts a lot of bees-not that I'm complaining! Just noting it and stuff… Yeah… stuff. So, uh, yeah. I'm kind-a in danger? I recently got this guy up here in the cabin who has potential of killing me and I rather live. Maybe you could help me out or send an angel or something but this… well it kind-a sucks, actually. I know that you might be, uh, busy up there, aiding kids with cancer and answering the prayers of the starving and less fortunate… but if you have time, could you just… I don't know. Swing over and maybe assist me on getting outta here alive? I would appreciate that, thank you. I mean, I not asking for anything flashy like fiery lightning or whatever, but maybe inspire a traveler to get here? Or ranger David? I'm not choosey. So, uh… yeah. Thanks. Anything helps… so, yeah. Yep-ers. Ah, thanks again and have a good rest of your day…. Uh, oh yeah. Amen."

Though it was the most weirdest way ever to talk to God… EVER…it did make me feel lighter and extra hopeful for future events. For once, after hours of emotional turmoil, I finally feel confident enough that I can make it though the rest of the day. But first, before anything shitty happens, I made sure I hid the radio under my mattress after a quick check to see if the machine had batteries. Don't wanna have the scary guy catching me with it and blowing it to oblivion like he did with the other one. Once the device was hidden from sight, I pulled out the Christmas lights and set it close to the door. This could be useful later. After checking the cardboard box and discarding some dated ordainments, I prepare myself to exit my room. Though I have a good supply of items that can assist me to barricade the door, I don't know if the batteries in the radio are dead or not and I could always use more stuff to help block the door. The guy is _big_ after all.

Slowly, I cracked open the door enough for me to peak an eye out. I am not going to repeat my actions like I did before and let the scary guy sneak up behind me again. I'm dense, but not that dense.

So far, there was nothing in the hallway from what I can see. Being anal and paranoid, I raided my sock drawer and took all my socks out and threw them in various directions down both sides of the hallway. Though the reasoning of this action was farfetched, why I did this was to see if the guy left any unseen traps out for me. It's dumb of me to think this way, yeah I know, but I will not underestimate this guy. I rather continue on living and look like a fool rather than be stringed up and killed, thank you very much. As I watched my colorful neon socks bounce merrily down the hallway unscathed, I made my move.

While picking up the discarded socks as I sped-walked in the halls, I made sure I checked all the rooms that I came across. So far, I seem to be alone. Next is the living room. After a quick throw of some socks and a hop dance around the broken TV. set, I bee-lined to the kitchen and repeated the process. It only took me ten minutes to search the cabin to only find that there is nothing out of the ordinary, besides the unusual amount of damage caused by the big brute. Normally in the past, I would have bitched at the effort of doing all this work and not seeing any results, but honestly, having nothing happen is the strongest relief I had in a long time.

For a moment, I took the time to steady my nerves by slowing my breathing and relaxing my tense shoulders. I seriously thought that guy was here and might spring up from behind and kill me. Seeing that the cabin is completely empty was just simply bliss. However, the annoying bug in my head reminded me that the guy could easily come back any time soon and I may need to hurry. Fuckin'-A.

I stuff the socks into my pajama pockets and found the batteries in the laundry room in the tool kit. They were the right size and I only need two of them, but keeping in mind for other foreseen precautions, I decided to grab another pair. Just in case.

Also, I grabbed a screwdriver to protect myself and stuffed it in my sports bra. Only a drunken person would think that a screwdriver would be hidden in a lady's cleavage-HA! I made an alcohol joke!

While passing the kitchen, I stuff my arms with some snacks and easy to open jars. Though I look silly with my pockets bulging with batteries and socks, now I have my arms burdened with sacks of food. No matter how goofy I look, my heart was in the right place. I need to keep my strength up, and if I find myself hungry and the guy is here, this can lead to one or two problems. One: I could encounter him in the night and he might claim that I am running away-which is bad and could lead to death. Two: when I am not around the food, he could take the opportunity to drug it and or poison it. Which is bad. And Three: I hate going to bed hungry. Did it too many times as a child, don't need to do it again, thank you very much.

As I was stuffing the last bag of _Cheetos_ under my arm, my eyes locked on one of the chairs. The chair itself was not very big, but it is made out of sturdy wood and can be easy to pushed and pulled around. This might be a great tool to block the door with, or at least give me enough time to find something heavier.

Though I was holding a bag in my mouth, I still smiled at the thought and waddled over towards the chair. I know I should have made a second trip over to the kitchen when my hands are free, but that stubborn quality in my mind told me otherwise and I carried the socks, batteries, snacks, hidden screwdriver and chair towards my room. As I awkwardly paced myself out to the living room, the theme song from _"Lord of the Rings"_ blasted epically in my head. Making my small journey into an earth-shattering tale of bravery. I was so moved by the spontaneous song that I started making up my own lyrics and hummed them aloud.

"I'_mm_m-not goin_gg_g, to-di_eee_e! Got my snacks and a chair by my s_iiiiiii_de. I'_mm_m-goinggggg, to-l_iiii_ve! If I have, to beat it out, with a_aaaa_ st_iiiiii_ck!-"

Suddenly I was interrupted by a bone cracking "THUD" of something heavy falling in the kitchen behind me. I jerkily froze, dropping some of my snacks in the process. My heart was steadily increasing; my hands were suddenly clammy as I felt the air thicken with tension. My first thought was, _"Hey maybe something fell down. Like a box, or something?"_ But the noise was too loud, too big and, too heavy to be any box that might be there in the kitchen. Unless the fridge decided to become one with the floor, I seriously doubt that there is anything harmless behind me right now.

Just as I was thinking about the doom that has taken place over me, I became suddenly aware of a dominating presents next to me. I did not hear him walking behind me, only felt the heat of his body gently pulse on the back of my shoulders. He is close-_way_ to fucking close. I could feel his shielded glare over power me and consume the air and the space that I was in. I felt very small all of a sudden.

My head started to swirl when I noticed that I was holding my breath. I shut my eyes tightly and stiffly exhaled my stilled breath. Mentally forcing myself to breath; it was so tense and quiet that every intake of breath sounded too loud in my ears. When I opened my eyes, I saw that my arms were shaking and my knuckles bone white from gripping the sides of the chair too tightly. I wanted to laugh then. Not that this was funny, but how pathetic I am. How scared I am now compared to the few seconds I had when I was alone.

Then I heard the woodpecker noise behind me. The sound was so loud in my ears that it felt like the walls were shaking, but then again, that might be just me who is shaking. I would have flinched at the suddenness of the noise if I was not already tight and tense. What I wanted to do was to run. Just drop all my shit and bolt into the safety of my room. Maybe I could hide in the attic and hope he does not find me. But for the life of me, I could not move. I was frozen in fear. It hurts… the fear and not moving hurts so bad. I could feel that my lungs are in the beginning stages of hyperventilating. I'm going to have a panic attack, and the sad thing was that I powerless to do anything about it.

Oh _please_ no…

I closed my eyes again, waiting for the waves of panic to wash over me. Waiting for myself to break down or pass out. Waiting for him to kill me.

This is it. It's over.

Then… purring. It was subtle at first and barley auditable when I was on the verge of freaking out, but it gradually became louder and louder to the point that I could feel the sound waves passing through my body. I was still panicking mentally, but physically I could ghostly feel my muscles loosening, my breathing evening, and my heart slowing. It was easier to breath now and I did not feel as small. The purring stop as fast as it came and a beat up looking arm steadily passed in front of me and grabbed the frame of the chair.

I studied his hand then and almost stopped breathing-or at least wanted to stop breathing but my body was not cooperating with my mind due to the sound earlier. His hand was monstrously huge, making my tinny hand dwarfish under him. His skin that covered this beast of a hand looked diseased through my standards. It looked dry and it had a lizard's texture; the freckling pattern of his hand was concerning as well, ranging from yellow hues to earthy brown. It made me shutter that his skin was touching mine, and it was almost repulsing on how hot his hand was and how it radiated heat above mine. As he closed his fingers around the wood, he made a great show of fanning each finger out and recoiling them one digit at a time; showing that he may be double jointed. As the tips of his fingers peaked out on the other side of the wooden frame, I nearly took a step back and walk in on him from behind. The shock from the sight of his nails was both alarming and gave me a sense of fear; he had long, claw-like nails that look lethal and animal-like. After studding the hand for a few more moments, I meekly let go of the chair and saw the object being taken away a put to the side of me. Once it was set down, there was a long pause.

What should I do now? I don't wanna turn around to face him and I certainly down wanna talk to him-

"Ooman. What were you doing." He questioned me suddenly, which sounded more like a monotone statement.

_Shit_.

I did not know what to say and I found myself floundering for an answer. What should I say? What can I say?! I can't tell him the truth-he'll kill me for sure! After a series of nervous "Um's", I lied to him flat out. "There was a spider. In my room. I was going to kill it, but was too short to get to it. Yeah." It even sounds like a fucking lie… oh _God_.

There was another pause before he literally stalked in front of me and picked the grey installation out of my hair. Though the movement was extremely creepy on his part, the realization that I have been caught in the act of planning an escape left a huge lump in my throat.

_Shiiiiiit. _

He raised the little ball between his claws in front of my face in a questioning gesture. If there was a way to drown in air… I found it.

Biting my lip hard, I over worked my brain to give him an answer _fast_. The first thing I could muster up was, "Ew. Gross." The scary guy's impassive metal mask looked straight at my face, I in return did my best to look away. He was just too damn intimidating. I felt my fist ball up tightly to the point of violent shaking when I finally talked. "I guess that is from the ceiling. I tried to get the spider with a broom, and I guess some stuff fell on me…"

He studied me for a moment. It was extremely hard to read him because of his mask and his statuette posture. I felt the familiar pangs of panic started to creep up in fear that he does not believe me. I was also scared on what he would do if he came to that conclusion. I held my breath and made it a great effort to not look at him in his mask sockets as he kept staring at me. Gracefully, he tilted his head slightly and glanced at the ceiling. With a quick scan, he straightened up, grabbed the chair and headed towards my room.

Fearfully, I started to follow him when I heard a loud crunch under my food. I quickly looked down to see that I have stepped into my _Sun Chips_ and crushed it to the point that the top of the bag blew out and sent chip shrapnel and dust on the floor. I slip a silent curse out and started to walk around the mess when I noticed something wrong. Behind me, the was a small puddle of red seeping out of the kitchen's entrance and an outline of a big, vain-y pink creature bled out on the tile. A long strip of bloodied fur rested on the table as if it was casually thrown there, like a coat. As my eyes were trying to connect the dots, my focus settled on the face of the creature. It had a long muzzle with sharp yellow decaying teeth. The head looked like it was too large for its beady black eyes, which stared at me dully.

It looked like a bear. A dead skinned bear.

I hugged the snacks around my chest and quickly backed into the hallway that lead to my room. I literally had to tare my eyes off of the bloody creature to look at the scary guy, who was unbloody and unmarked compared to the beast that was suddenly in the kitchen. He was standing casually and chair-less next to the entrance of my door, waiting for me to come in. I froze again; staring at him while squishing the fragile snacks in my arms. After a few hard swallows, I forced my legs to move toward him. _I want my room_, I kept thinking to myself but I did not want to walk towards the psycho either. Slowly yet cautiously I passed the doorframe that leads to my room; my heart hammering viciously throughout the entire time.

I first see the chair, which was next to my bed, when I entered the room. I stood between my bed and the door for a silent moment, contemplating on what I should do. With a breathy sigh, I turned to close the door to only discover that I was not alone. The scary guy was right behind me again. He scared me so bad that when I flinched I dropped my ruined snacks all over the floor and on his feet. I froze again as he regarded my actions. He stared at my head while I stared at his abs. You can ground meat on that washboard-wait! What am I thinking?! Jesus, stray thoughts!

There was another long pause before he broke the silence by simply stating, "Spider."

My first thought was, _"WHERE?!"_ but then I remembered the lie. Making a forced chuckled, "Oh," I combed the sides of the wall and ceiling to find my "spider". After making it look like I had a hard time of finding my imaginary bug problem, I pulled out my goofy smile, which look like a mild grimmest, shrugged my shoulders and replied all too cheerfully, "I guess he got away!"

His mask just stared at me. My smile twitched at the corners of my mouth as I fought gravity to keep my face to look happy. I started to sweat a little when he took a step further into my space. My heart dropped and I willed myself to stay in place, because if I moved now I would not stop until I reach Canada.

His face was always locked mine as he began searching around my room. First starting at the edges around my walls and now working his way up to my things. When he reached my bed, I floundered towards him as if I was drowning and tried to stop him through conversation.

"S_ooo_," I desperately started, hoping that this will make him stop from discovering my radio in my mattress. "It's been a long day, yeah? And _man_… I am beat [insert fake yawn]. So, uh. I guess I will see you in the morning, yeah? So much to do, so little time and all that. You got to get ready for them Hard Bloods, or those Bad Meat thing-ys. Don't want to be too tired, right?"

He stared at me again unmoving. My heart was beating so hard in my chest that I could feel my ears moving with the pulses. As he kept looking at me, all I kept thinking was, _Please leave. PLEASE LEAVE_.

Then he moved towards the door, starting out with small stride steps and worked his way up to his normal pace walk. As he pasted me, I saw him look at the empty cardboard box on the floor.

_Shit!_

He kept walking and silently closed the door. Besides the dreaded feeling that the scary guy knows of my plans of escape, another realization dawned on me.

I am royally… _screwed_.

…

…

End of first day…

…

**Yeah, I know… this chapter is a little serious compared to the previous ones but Sammy will warm up to the sexiness of the nameless predator. Once she does, the jokes would just roll out, hahaha… yeah. You know, too bad I'm too lazy to write the perspective of the Predator… I have been so wrapped up in the humans P.O.V. that I wonder…. Hmm. **

***Minion looks at the Yautja character questionably* [Minion] "What are you thinking?!"**

**[Currently nameless Yautja] "…" **

**[Minion] "Ah. Men…." **


End file.
